STILL, THEY ASKED ME WHY I ALWAYS WRITE?
In times of anxiety and trauma, the greatest thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as significant as our answers. When some one asks me why do I write and what motivates me to do so? I honestly reply with “I used to write because I wanted to find an escape where I was allowed to go as far as I can just to temporarily locked the reality away .I used to write because I wanted to forget for a while how painful and cruel the world could be most of the time, how every fault I made always engraved like a tattoo on my skin that I never really chose and planned for myself .I used to write because I wanted to get lost ,I wanted to forget and I wanted to stop myself from depending on the healing power of being found in the middle of nowhere. I used to write because I needed to run away, build an innovative world that I will one day leave too. I used to write to traumatised the pain and to depart my heart from whipping on the details I was supposed to let go. But now, I write differently. I understood that I write not because I wanted to escape, but because I wanted to find a home where leaving again will never be a decision. I write like words were made of walls enough to protect me from dangers of pitch-black hours of darkness. I want to write to have something to recall and that every history will be played inside my head until I could write a melody about it – until I find myself twirling along through the hums of my mumbled lyrics even if the words mean recalling how it pains so bad. I want to write so I will learn to receive the things that are out of my control to change. I write because I want to find stability in this world through confrontations and drafts, that even erasures would still be counted. I want to write because I am tired of running away, of walking out when my phrases were interrogated when everyone’s imagining a tragic ending. I simply want to build a world made up of words where I will no longer be worried about leaving once again. And even if the world will turn black and white, I will be totally acceptable. I write because I found belongingness there- I found a part of myself that I want to keep innocuous. It is through writing that I found myself finally settling down.” Still, they asked me Why I ALWAYS WRITE?!
WRITTEN BY: NOURHAN AHMAD ELGHAMRY